We start the game out like, ‘’ we got this’’ and ‘’this will be easy,’’ but little did we know we were up for a challenge. We were at Dixon
The game was starting and we weren’t playing how we normally do, we were slow and we dribbled too much. We didn’t score till the last 5 minutes and that cost us. One of our best players had broken his collar bone, everyone was devastated. After hearing this we got angry, so 10 minutes into the second half we got a penalty kick called on us and our goalie got a yellow card that turned into a red for arguing. Now to add on to our bad luck we could only play with 10 players for the rest of the game. We were doing it for Carlos (who broke his collar bone), we were made but wanted to plat a clean game. With only 6 minutes left in the game we scored! It was one of the best feelings in the world; all we had to do was hold them off. That’s just what we did we won the game for
Carlos and victory was ours and we kept our undefeated record for conference.
Much better--I like that you start in the moment, in the thoughts before the game. I especially like that you're speaking in terms of "we" and not just you and that you're using phrases like "we were made" because it brings out your voice in this piece. Try avoiding phrases like "it was one of the best feelings in the world," however; go for something more original or express this same sentiment in a unique way.
ReplyDeleteCongratulations on the win, by the way. :)